Table for 1; Joshua 1:9

 "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

Lately it's been a struggle in life.  The world seems out of control from the pandemic to the hate brewing in hearts around our country.  Loved ones are struggling with physical and emotional turmoil and it tends to spill over onto those of us that care.  I am not exempt from any of it, perhaps I take on the burden too much.  The Bible instructs us in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yolk is easy and my burden is light."  He has simply asked that I cast my cares upon him so that my burden be light and yet... I try to carry it myself and I get weighed down from it all.  I pray and feel I turn it over to God and then I pick it right back up as if to say, "no God I got it" which is so far from the truth.  To be honest, I don't "got it" and even to think I do is why I get myself so down.

The other day I decided to have a pity party of 1, as I like to call it.  I woke wanting to cry, spent the day fighting the tears and then by evening I was emotionally depleted.  My pity party of 1 turned out to be not much fun at all and was allowing me to sink further into depression and sadness.  That's not a place that I like to be, and for the most part, I've never really spent much time there.  If we sat down and I went through my life story with you, you may understand that I could have chosen to dwell in the sad shallows of life very easily.  I could have chosen to allow all that has happened in my life to make me empty, cold and unhappy.  I could have chosen to allow it to define me and create for me a completely different life than the one I have today.  I could have chosen many different roads to walk down and choose to have a constant pity party of 1, but instead I chose to accept the yolk that God gave me to lighten my load.  I chose to be strong and courageous, to not fear what life throws at me nor to be discouraged because I know that my God is ALWAYS near.  So why the pity party at all, you may ask?  Good question.

I, like most of us, am weak.  I know the one who is strong and who gives me my strength to overcome life's challenges and difficulties.  I realized a long time ago, that without God I am nothing but a weak earthly vessel but with him, I can do all things and can be a strong force in this life.  BUT, God also knows me so intimately, that he knows that I can't do it alone.  So he gave me a tribe, a wonderful God-fearing group of women that recognize when I am struggling and come alongside me to lift me back up through their prayers, their love and support.  I never walk this journey alone, thanks be to God.  I need my tribe and sometimes they need me.  They are an incredible gift that I've been given.  I pray for them daily and I know they do the same for me.  They even respect that sometimes I will have my pity party of 1 and step back to let me have that time.  Gently, and sometimes not so gently, they  lift me back up.  God knew I would need them and he graciously placed them in my life.  He also gave me my Roger, who is my rock.  He, I believe, often knows me better than I know myself.  I am thankful that through all the choosing that I have done in life, that God too made choices for me that are for my good, he even tells us so in Jeremiah 29:11 (my life verse).

So what choices are you making in life?  Are you choosing to continue to make reservations at the pity party table or are you choosing to allow God to help you rise above all the chaos and noise?  Are you choosing to give your burden over to God or are you choosing to take the heavier load knowing you can't do it without him?  Are you choosing to be joyous each day or are you choosing to grumble and complain and wallow in the pits that can drag one down?  Life is not easy, our bodies give out, our minds can sometimes torment and our souls grow weary... but we have the choice to make to take God by the hand, stand alongside our tribes, and choose the road that he places us on where fear does not exist, courage is ours for the taking, and strength comes from the one who created us.  

Under His Wings,

Heather

DEDICATED TO MY TRIBE; Laura, Tanja and Elizabeth

and to my love, Roger, who always has my back

*ism; Another word for hate; Mark 12:29-31

"And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:  And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength:  this is the first commandment.  And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  There is none other commandment greater than these." KJV

The Message puts it like this, "Jesus said, "The first in importance is... 'so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.'  And here is the second: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.'  There is no other commandment that ranks with these.'"

I know many people feel King James is the only true word so I put it on here, but WOW, the Message drove the message of Christ home plain and simple... LOVE!!!  It wasn't a request, it was a command!  Love God and Love People.  I think that is pretty straight forward and leaves no room for interpretation.  And yet, this one supposedly simple commandment is the hardest of all for so many to do.  Many can find more reasons to hate than they can to love and that boggles my mind.  To me it takes so much energy to hate someone and to hate someone for the most outlandish reasons too.  I call them the "isms"  You all know them... racism, sexism, ageism, etc.  Did you know that currently there are 234 "isms" that one can associate with?  Again, that boggles my mind!

Lately I've seen a lot of ugly on social media and in the news.  Many cry out against a specific "ism" that seems to be pertinent to their own set of demographics or ideals.  Many tend to look at life ONLY through their own lenses and feel no one else can understand their pain or anger they feel against another who has displayed an "ism" towards them or their group, whatever group that may be. I've heard so many excuses as to why one "ism" is acceptable and another not so much.  I've had people tell me that I can't possibly understand their feelings on a specific "ism" because I've never walked in their shoes.  You know what... they are absolutely right!  I cannot understand fully another person's journey as each one is so unique and is only walked by a single life.  I don't know what it's like to be anything besides a white, Christian female who grew up poor, who has experienced many tragedies and pain that very few even know about.  I'm ok with that.  My story is just that, my story and I'm ok with my story because I like who I am today and it took my journey of both triumph and tragedy to get me to where I am today.  It took my journey to teach me about the great commandment to LOVE.  I could choose to continue to look only through my lenses of life lessons and personal demographics to see others, or I could choose to look through the lenses that we each have been equipped with that God gave us from the beginning.  I could choose anger, I could choose resentment, I could choose many things... but instead I choose love because that is what my Jesus commanded.  Love displaces hate.  Love removes the "isms" from the hearts of man.

In recent news we heard of a man, Ahmaud Arbery being shot and killed... his only crime at the time, the color of his skin.  Racism, an "ism" that has never made sense to me.  Sure I see differences in our genetic makeup as far as physical appearances, but beyond that we are plain and simple God's creation.  I've experienced this "ism" personally.  Yes, white people too can experience racism.  This "ism" isn't color blind and it isn't just a North American "ism"... it's global and has been going on for longer than I care to even think about.  When I heard the news report on Mr. Arbery, it brought back a time in my life when I was in his shoes.  I was in St. Louis, MO for a long weekend with my then husband and his two cousins to watch a St. Louis Cardinals game and explore the city a bit.  We decided we would take the long walk back from the stadium to our hotel that was closer to Union Station.  It was a perfect night for a long walk.  I tend to walk a little fast and was in a rather good mood... Cards had won.  My husband and his cousins were probably 20+ steps behind me goofing off and none of us paying much attention to anything around us because there really wasn't much going on and very few people out on the street.  This was back in the mid-late 90s.  I noticed three young men walking the opposite direction across the street from me that seemed to be enjoying the evening too but didn't pay too much attention to them until they took off running across the street towards me and got directly behind me with one whose breath touched my hair and said, "Cap Cap Whitey, you dead".  I felt my heart stop.  Then I heard running as my husband and his cousins had seen what was going on and ran to my defense.  The three young men ran back across the street and out of view while I tried to breathe again.  I could have allowed this to create an "ism" inside me.  I could have determine that all young black men are potentially violent and are out to hurt me but instead I chose love.  I don't know their story.  I don't know their journey nor what they had experienced in life that caused them that night to want to do harm to me because I was white.  But I do know what my Bible tells me and that is to love.  Until the story broke of Mr. Arbery, I had actually forgotten about this incident and the fear I felt that night.  I had forgotten about other similar times as well when I was shown the "true colors of isms" in my life because God gave me the lenses in my glasses to see the way he sees others and there is no "ism"... just love.

What lenses are you wearing today?  What "ism" has plagued you that you can't seem to look at someone through the lenses that Christ has waiting for you?  What stops you from accepting the differences of another whether it be their race, religion, sexual orientation or even gender?  There is one commandment that covers all the others and that is to love.  Lay down the heavy burden of hate and fear and begin to love even those that choose to hate you in return.  Change begins with each one of us and from that change can come new life.

Under His Wings,
Heather

Star Light Star Bright; Genesis 1:16-19

^"16God made two great lights-the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, ¹⁸to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. ¹⁹And there was evening, and there was morning-the fourth day." The other night I sat around a bonfire in the cool of the evening, wrapped in a blanket, listening to the crackle of the fire and feeling the breeze against my skin. The skies became a bit brighter and I realized that the moon was trying to peak through the clouds casting shadows in and out of the flames. But as I gazed at the moon through the tree in front of me, Roger points to another bright spot behind me. It is the second brightest object you can find in the sky at night, it was the planet Venus. Did you know that some refer to Venus as the morning star? It's the only planet to rotate around the sun clockwise and has the slowest rotation around the earth. It's portrayed in such famous paintings as Vincent Van Gogh's 1889 painting, "The Starry Night". I actually have this painting hanging in my bedroom as it's one of my favorites. While sitting in my yard around the fire, I was fascinated by how big and bright Venus appeared even though it was so very far away. It was not lost on me, either, that God set our solar systems in order and has purpose and plan for all things to sustain us here on earth. He gave us light on the 4th day and he saw it was good! Can you imagine if he had left us in a world with only darkness? To never feel the sun on your face, or the warmth from it's embrace on our lands? He could have just stopped at the sun and the moon and that would have been sufficient, but he went one step further and gave us planets, stars and constellations beyond our own galaxies to marvel over. Why? Why would the creator of light choose to give us more than what we need? Have you ever thought about nature and why God gave us so many flowers, trees, plants, animals, birds, fish, etc? Have you ever thought about how special you are to him? Remember he created us too and tells us that he knitted us together in our mother's womb. We were created to be like him so he gave us free will, emotions and intelligence to be companions to him and rule over the earth. Keeping that in perspective, look around today, the world has flipped upside down from another creation, a virus, one without a cure and one on a mission to cause fear and devastation. In the matter of months our nation has gone from prosperous to unemployed, from freedom to lockdown, from having everything at our fingertips to waiting for the shelves to be stocked, and from hugging and being hugged to wearing masks, gloves and keeping a distance from one another. Everything that God gave us to delight us, the light that he gifted us with, this virus has taken and it has placed a great darkness over our nation. Oh but there is coming a time, when the morning star, our "Morning Star" will bring back the light into our lives and shine ever so much brighter. Revelations 22:16 says this, "I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things for the churches I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright and morning star." This is a time for the church to remember that it is in Christ Jesus that we are rooted and it is he that shines brighter than Venus, the morning star that the morning star created. It is Jesus that will again create light in the darkness and bring healing to our nation. We can choose to look at this as a time of despair, meaning a complete absence of hope or we can choose to rest in that there will be joy in the morning, when the daystar rises in the east and restores health to our nation, to our world. We will mourn those that we will have lost but we will help our brothers and sisters find peace again. We will look to the light that was created on the fourth day and know that the light will always drown out the darkness whenever we call upon the bright and morning star, Jesus, to save us. Will you choose to live in the light of Christ today or in the darkness of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy? Will you choose to not fear but to have hope that the glorious Morning Star will rise again and heal our nation? What do you choose this day? Under His Wings, Heather

You Don't Know Me; Isaiah 43:1-3

"But now, this is what the Lord says - he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel; "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

WOW!!!  Every time I read that scripture it sends chills up and down my arms...or as my dear friend calls them, holy bumps.  To think that the God of the universe formed me, calls me by my name and claims me as his own.  There is power in that even beyond what we can imagine.

I went to dinner tonight in a town where I didn't know anyone and no one knew my name.  I was just someone sitting at a table ordering food alone.  As I sat there, I thought about how once upon a time I would never have done that.  I would have gotten food and taken it back to my hotel room because I didn't want to sit alone.  Many people probably would never guess that about me.  There are many things that people don't know, some may never know me completely, and that's ok.  Some may know me too well... those people will forever be my friends because they know too much!  LOL

As I left the restaurant, I noticed a lady sitting in her truck all by herself eating her dinner.  I recognized that former me.  The one who had such insecurities and fears of being alone.  The one who worried about what others thought about me and the one who wondered if I was good enough, pretty enough, funny enough... the list goes on.  Some of you that know me today are probably shaking your head and can't begin to imagine me being a shy, timid young lady.  I was.  I didn't want to be judged.  I didn't want people to know that home wasn't so great a lot of days, some days it was down right a nightmare.  Then there were those other days where home was the best place on earth.  That's what pushed me to want more good days at home than bad when I had my own home. 

Many of the kids at school while growing up didn't know me.  I was the good church girl who let a few people in, never was mean or rude to anyone, I just never let anyone too close because they would see the bruises and scars and not just the ones on my body, but they might see the ones on my heart and I couldn't take that chance.  Taking that chance was too scary.  What if they made fun of me or couldn't understand?  I would be more alone than ever.  But I wasn't, I never was, I just didn't realize how opposite of the truth that was.  My God never left me alone.  He has been my constant companion.  It has been I who has sometimes shut him out, pushed him away and tried to hide because he knew I wasn't perfect.  My life wasn't perfect.  You see God knew I was a hot mess and still can be sometimes.  The amazing thing is that he still loves me anyway.  He knows me, by name... Luke 12:7 says, "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered..."  Oh my goodness, do you know how many hairs have come and gone off my head?  That reminds me of just how loved I am and that he loves me inspite of knowing me. 

I am learning to love me and spend time just with me and I enjoy it.  I guess that means I have finally come to like myself and value myself for who I am and for whose I am.  I am a child of the King, I am a Princess.  Some would even say I am a royal pain.  :)  But my Heavenly Father, the King of Kings wouldn't have me any other way than I am right now, in this moment, as he continues to form me into his image.  I am like that lump of clay on the potter's wheel.  Just as the potter has spun me near to completion, something happens and I fall back into that lump ready to be remade.  One day this chick is gonna be completed, the wheel no longer needed and I will be called home to where everyone will know me, they will know me by name.  Here I may be a stranger in a strange land, but one day I will go home and will be reunited with my loved ones who have already gone ahead of me.  But, for today... I am going to keep shining, accepting that some days are good simply because God gave them to me and some days are great because he gave me people who do know me and love me enough to embrace me, flaws and all.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Have you spent any time with just yourself lately, not doing busy work, but truly time alone?  Do you know who you are?  Do others know who you are?  God knows who you are, he's waiting for some time just with you to remind you of who you are to him. 

Under His Wings,

Heather

Babel; Genesis 11:6

"The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them."

I've not thought about this passage of the Bible for many years.  Until recently I never really had a need, perhaps, to reflect upon it.  The older I get, the more I travel, the more I travel, the more I experience differences in people.  Its those differences, to me, that make this world such a marvelous place to live.  Its those same differences that cause such chaos and discord, for some unknown reason.  I've never been one to understand disliking or distrusting someone due to a difference between us.  I guess you could say it was just the opposite.  I embrace differences and hope that I can learn something from everyone that crosses my path.  I know it was God who designed us all and in that design there is great purpose and plan.  Jeremiah 29:11 even tells us that very thing.  So if that is the case... why are people so afraid of the "differences" between us instead of being fascinated?  Why are people so quick to judge another because their skin has a different shade, language a different dialect or a faith that is different? 

I go back to the beginning where it all began in Genesis.  "Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image..."  the word doesn't say a single image, but it says in OUR image.  Have you ever wondered about that?  Have you ever wondered about the sovereignty (supreme power) of our God?  He didn't have a single image in his creation, he created all of mankind.  I'm going to let you just ponder that for a bit.  No hurry... just think about that.

So from the very beginning God planned for our differences, from our skin, to our hair, to our shape, etc.  Our entire outer shell is a masterpiece created by God himself  ...in...our...likeness.  We awe over masterpieces around the world that artists have created and yet when it comes to the greatest masterpieces ever sculpted, we want to find faults and failures.  Why? 

I can't change the world nor can I change my nation as I have no God like powers.  If I did though, for just a while, I would make the entire world blind.  People would have to engage with one another without knowing what the other looked like.  People would have to come together to help one another because they would need one another.  Neighbor helping neighbor.  What was that scripture in the beginning... “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them."  That one language, my friend, is love.  Love would cover all things because it would grow out of the place where people came together for the common good of one another.  Love would flow because we no longer would place value on appearance or differences but value on the very hearts that beat within.   "Then NOTHING they plan to do will be impossible".  Luke 1:37; "For with God nothing is impossible".  If for only a while you could put your blinders on and not focus on what divides, but focus on what binds... this world would change and God could see all that he had made, and say it was very good.

I have grown so weary of seeing the negative images via media of one type or the other.  The hate that continues to grow is appalling from all sides.  People rioting and protesting, pointing fingers and saying such horrible hate-filled words.  But then for a few moments, it all stopped.  The hurricanes happened.  Media changed from the riots and racially fueled hatred to people pulling together because their neighbor was drowning.  Posts went viral, Pray for Florida... Pray for Texas... Pray for my Family began to fill the screens.  It wasn't pray for one race of people, one culture, one specific religion... it was pray for them all.  It was during the storms that we all saw each other for the first time again, not through our own selfish colored glasses, but through the lenses of our neighbor and the pain they were feeling.  Why does it take a tragedy for us to see clearly?  To see beyond the differences and through the lenses of love and compassion?

Can you take your biased glasses off for a while to allow yourself to go blind?  Can you reach out your hand to the one who may seem the most different from you and embrace that God created you both in his image?  Can you remove labels, stereotypes and past hurts to allow healing to begin?  Can you allow the healing rains of the "man-made hurricanes" to wash away the ugly and restore the beauty that God created?  Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself, its time to make a change starting with the one starring back at you?

Man in the mirror

Under His Wings,
Heather

Got Plans Tonight? Hebrews 10:36

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

The past 7 months wasn't something I ever thought I would experience... nor had it ever crossed my mind to be part of, but God knows how to bless us even when you don't see it coming.  I hadn't considered ever taking into my home a complete stranger, let alone a teenage girl from a foreign country but God knew that we both needed one another at this time.  You see his plans are greater than our own. 

Emma came to live with me through a student exchange program.  It was a last minute decision for me to take on the care of her when I realized I had more home than was needed for just myself.  The house just felt empty until she arrived and made a house a home.  She brought with her a different world, a different culture and a different view of life along with a messy room!  She was 16 and I was well lets just let something be a secret, shall we?  :)  Since her arrival we have had a home filled with laughter, deep conversations, adventures and vegging on the couch movie binging.  We have shared so many cups of Starbucks that I lost count and we've shared life where I've introduced her to my world and she allowed me into hers.  We've spent quiet time together, we have done homework on Sunday afternoons, we've gone on walks and long drives.  She has become like my own and I didn't even know how much she would grow to mean to me.

God has blessed me the past 7 months with Emma along with her buddies... I call them the International Brigade.  I've met other students from different countries and have enjoyed them as well.  They have showed me that in this great big world, we may have differences but there are some things that we share in common and that is that we need one another to feel complete.  God knew before the world began that we would be designed to rely on one another, to learn from one another and to feel a small sample of the love that he has for us through our relationships.  You see he had a plan for us and we didn't even know it. 

After losing my son and then going thru numerous disappointments of trying to have more children, I felt my dream of being a mom was over.  I couldn't understand that... the Bible tells us that God grants us the desires of our heart and yet my desire had always been to be a mom.  I wrestled with this scripture for many years and couldn't understand why the one thing I had desired, was the one thing God didn't bless me with after losing Nigel.  I tried to come up with explanations such as... I did get to be a mom, just didn't get to keep him long.  Then I began to realize, there have been kids along the way that needed me.  I got to give what every mother gives... big hugs, advise and unconditional love along with guidance and pointing them to Christ. 

This time with Emma has allowed me to again be a temporary Mom to a very special young lady who I will love for always as a daughter.  She will move back to Italy and I will miss her terribly but I will know that she was brought into my life for a purpose and fulfilled in me the desire of my heart... to be a mom again.  God fulfilled his promise to give me the desires of my heart.  I never specified how I wanted to be a mom and his plan was far different than what I imagined but I have been so blessed. 

I could have been content in this house and never opened that door up to the unknown adventure that was about to take place, and I would have been robbed of a great blessing.  In life we sometimes fear the unknown and instead of reaping the harvest of the reward we lose out on what God promised us.

What about you?  What blessing is God still waiting to give you that you simply haven't opened that door to yet?  What heart desire do you have still lingering?  Have you looked around to see if you've some how missed it or are you about to miss it because fear holds you back?  God has plans for you... so what do you say?  Got plans tonight? 

Under His Wings,
Heather

Addiction; Philippians 2:14

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing."  I bet you are a bit confused right now why I would choose this scripture with the post title being "addiction".  I've watched social media, listened to countless conversations, seen such non-sense on the news that it turns my stomach as we become a society that has become a nation of chronic complainers... people who have become addicted to grumbling, complaining and all around negative thinking and talking.  Its become an epidemic!

Do you know that the word "joy" is found 218 times in the NIV Bible?  JOY!  Not grumbling or complaining or bad mouthing one another but for us to have JOY!  I don't know about you but I would so rather have joy in my spirit than a spirt of grumbling.  I would rather look around to find the good in people, to find how we are alike and can share in a responsibility to make this life a life filled with joy, laughter and peace.  What I find though is that so many are looking for allies who share in their addiction to grumbling and complaining.  That has to grieve the heart of God.  Did you know that God actually commands us to shout joyfully to the Lord and all the earth??  We are commanded to serve the Lord with gladness, come before him with joyful singing!  Be glad in the Lord and rejoice!  I could go on and on... but I think you are getting the point.

So why is it that we choose to grumble and complain and be disheartened?  I know life is a challenge, believe me... I've had more challenges to overcome than many know but I still count it ALL joy for the Lord continues to bless me and grow me into something more beautiful.  I'm not talking a physical beauty, but I am talking about a heart that finds joy even in the small things, that finds peace in the quiet of his spirt and finds love when I least expect to find it.  I can still find something each day to say Thank You Lord for blessing me with.... fill in the blank.  Or thank you Lord that my family and friends are still here today or that I got out of bed or that I have a new challenge that is going to continue to define my character and create a heart in me that is after my heavenly father.  Will it be easy... NOOO!  But if it were all easy, would we ever really grow?  Would we ever truly appreciate the blessings we have?  Our human nature fights us at every turn and will look to find a reason to grumble even if we truly have no reason to grumble... why?  Because we have become a nation addicted to drama and grumbling!!

Over the years I have had many comment that they seldom see me without a smile on my face.  Its not because I'm not facing hardship, sickness or issues, but its because I have the joy of the Lord residing in me and I know deep in my knower that all will work out.  I have the smile on my face because it is well in my soul, maybe not in my life...but in my soul.

I challenge you as you read this right now to pray against the spirit of grumbling, complaining and being negative and to spend the next 30 days finding a blessing each day, to refrain from letting anything that resembles a grumble to escape from your lips.  Are you willing to take up this challenge or has your addiction become too much of a strong hold on your spirit?

This challenge may require you to turn away from social media, it may require you to turn off your TV and radio.  It may challenge you to look at others differently.  This challenge may cause you to look at yourself differently.  This challenge may defeat your addiction to grumbling and allow joy to be your companion again even during difficult times.  I promise you, you won't regret saying yes.  You may find a new addiction in its place...An addiction of sharing joy with others, of being a positive influence to another or simply finding peace within your soul.

Who is with me?  Can you do it?  Can you lay down the grumbling and accept joy?  The world around you may not change during the next 30 days while you fight against your addiction of grumbling, but then again it may...one person at a time.

Under His Wings,
Heather

Pure Joy; Psalm 126:2-3

"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.  Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them."  The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

This weekend I listened and watched as my niece, my exchange student and friends joined me at a bonfire.  I saw beautiful smiles spread across their faces and laughter that brought them to tears of pure joy.  To hear them, to see that on their face is priceless.  The memories that were made will be everlasting.  Its these moments that the rest of the world and all it has to offer both good and bad are shut out and for just a few moments there is nothing but pure joy to be experienced. 

As I sat in my chair Saturday night and watched the girls just be girls and not worry about anything but the fun they were having, I had to say thank you to a God who gives us moments of timeout from the storms of life.  In those evening hours under a blanket of stars, cicadas making songs in the trees, the crackling of a warm fire and the smell of the burning wood... in that moment my entire world was perfect and joy-filled.  My girls that I love and watch over were happy, safe, and were just enjoying being young and carefree.  No cares of school, boys, social media or what anyone else thought.  They were just in the moment loving what nature provided.  I am sure God was watching and smiling as he watched his little princesses dance under the light of the stars and moon, laughing from deep within their souls.  My soul was filled to overflowing with pure joy of having this moment with them.

While we were going over the rules of "snipe hunting" (many around my age will know EXACTLY what this is) there were others that I love deeply enduring and pressing through their storm of life.  While I was asking my girls not to google what snipe hunting was (would ruin the whole game), there were others near to me that were doing all the research they could to find answers to their storm.  While my girls were out in the darkness listening and seeking out "snipes", my other loved ones were listening to professionals, sitting in a darkness and seeking out possibilities and options to deal with the oncoming storm and how to survive it. 

Its a storm I'm too familiar with and its one that I wish I could guide them through and provide them with hope and a claim to joy at the end of battle that lies ahead.  God knows the answers and he uses the good and the bad for his glory but we don't always understand his plans that get us to where we need to go...but I share with my precious loved ones... God will restore your joy again.  This is the only thing I know for certain and the only bit of hope I can give as you step through your storm.  Hold onto his mighty hand and rest in the knowledge that "you know the Master of the wind, you know the maker of the rain, He can calm the storm, make the sun shine again.... you know the Master of the Wind."

Many of my loved ones are struggling through hard times, not sure from day to day what the answer is but simply pressing forward trusting God to take care of their needs and meet them where they are.  We all are either in a storm, about to go into a storm or just coming out of one.  I think for many of us the sight of a rainbow beautifully reminds us that God promises us a hope after a long rough battle on the seas of life, after the storm has cleared.  Have you ever noticed the air after a storm?  Its fresh, clean of all the garbage we pollute it with.  I love the smell of the air after a good rain.  It refreshes my whole being.  Its in those moments I breathe a bit better and appreciate the sun as it begins to peek through the clouds that start to pass by.  The storm clouds sometimes last for a brief moment and sometimes they stick around for a while...but they always give way to the sun.  Our struggles and trials sometimes stick around for a while but they ALWAYS give way to the SON.  Jesus went to that cross so that we could have pure joy again.

What storms are you facing that you need God to show you a sign that his promises are everlasting?  When is the last time you just stopped for a breath and looked up to the heavens and just gazed at his beauty he has created for you?  Even if you are in the middle of a storm, there are still moments to cling to that will sustain you til the storm clouds pass again.

Under His Wings,
Heather

Master of the Wind

Tears Never Stop Flowing; Psalm 30:5

"... weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Some years the pain is just deeper and stronger than others, this year happens to be one of those years.  People often ask if I'm ok on "special days", an anniversary or a birthday and most times I say yes even when everything in me is breaking and crying out that I am anything but ok.  Why then do I say I am ok??  Because I know that joy will come in the morning.  It may not be the next morning or the morning after that...but the joy will come in the morning. 

I'm going to be real with all of you for a bit and just put it all out there.  We all experience loss in our lives.  Friends, family, co-workers...its all part of the circle of life and its the part that we wish we never had to experience, but we do and somehow we pick up the pieces and we move on and find new strengths each day.  There are times even now that I think I can pick up the phone and call my mom because I know she would have the answer or she could give me a comforting word or just the right encouragement I need to press through a difficult time.  Then I remember, she too has gone home to be with her Jesus.  Losing her was a hard day but it was a day that I also rejoiced for her because she had suffered for so long with illness and pain.  I was happy for her release from a broken body but was sad for all of us that would have to keep living without her and her amazing way she loved and supported us through that love.  She was a once in a lifetime lady and no one could ever replace her in my life or those that knew and loved her.  But even as much as I loved my mom, the pain of losing her didn't even come close to comparing to the pain I felt losing my son. 

As a parent, there is just something about that bond that is quiet unexplainable.  The moment that life begins the bond does as well and it never goes away even after death.  I've heard so many well intended people tell folks that in time the pain will ease.  That is total BULL!  It never eases...but we learn how to find ways to deal with it each day and sometimes we find ways to deal with it each moment of each day.  My son's bday is coming up on the 10th, Nigel would have been 26 years old.  Its hard for me to wrap my mind around that since he left us when he was only 3 1/2.  He would be a man with his own dreams, his own goals.  Perhaps he would have his own family or be off on great adventures.  Whatever he would have been doing, I would have remained his biggest cheerleader and number one fan.  I sometimes sit and think of all the things that my little guy could be doing right now and how much I know this world would have been better having someone like him around but that wasn't the plan for his life.  He got to influence many in his short 3 1/2 years in ways that those of us who are "older" never will be able to. 

A dear friend lost her battle with cancer last year.  She and I hadn't seen each other in many years but we got a chance to visit before she past.  She shared with me that her battle with cancer had been made a bit easier because she had watched how Nigel had championed through his battle with a smile on his face and a joy in his heart that she never forgot.  His body left this world...but his spirit never has.  He lives on through the lives that he touched while he was here.  That is why there is joy in the morning.  God created a beautiful life within me named Nigel.  He lived... He loved... He was an example of all that was good.  He taught me the true meaning of love and how that it never dies and it never goes away even on the days when everything inside you feels broken, alone and so full of pain.  Love remains.  The Bible tells us that Love is the greatest gift of all.  You see... our children, they are the greatest gift of all (they are love manifested in us).

Birthdays, anniversaries they are all part of me now as well.  Memories shared and held close to heart.  But there are the every day moments too that I have that I smile randomly about.  If you ever are with me and a movie or program ends with a "to be continued", you will see me smile because Nigel hated those!  He would look at me and say "Oh NO Mommy!  Not be tinued!!"  He may have gotten his impatience from his mother.  He knew what that meant...he would have to wait.  I guess that's how I feel.  Oh NO, not be tinued, I don't want to wait for my story with my son to have to wait but I do and some days, that's just harder than others.  Our love story has a "to be continued" written on it right now until the author and finisher of our faith finishes writing it. 

I read and see so many of you share your joys with your gifts (your children and grandchildren) and my heart is so happy for you but it stings a little too.  I don't say that for you to feel bad or to lessen the joy you have... I just want you to know as a parent who has lost their child that sometimes we hurt even on "non-special days" because the pain is always there somewhere and we are just trying to figure out how to deal with it at the moment.  So if you ask if I'm doing ok, know that I may not be at the moment but I do believe in the joy that will come in the morning.  Never take for granted the moments you have and that joy of being in the moment.  Put your cellphones down, shut out everything else sometimes and just enjoy the gift of life that you embraced upon their entrance to this world.  They may sometimes upset you or disappoint in their decision making...but that's how they grow and mature and learn.  Be there in the moment and appreciate not having to think about what might have been but love what is.

What can you do today to spend a bit more time with your loved ones and put the busy stuff of life on hold?  Life passes so quickly.

Under His Wings,

Heather

What Child Is This; John 1:14

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

What child is this who laid to rest...  I've sang these words during the Christmas season since my childhood and not until this year have they taken on new meaning and revelation to me.  We ask the question in this song of who this child is and because its a Christmas carol we know the answer is Christ the King, or do we?  Some only refer to him as the Christ child.  Some may refer to him as just another Jewish boy born to a woman and man.  There still may be others that simply feel he is a character in a book that tells stories and means nothing.  I know this child to mean the gift that was given to all, the gift of love and a gift of sacrifice, a gift that was full of grace and truth.

The question isn't just what child is this, but the question goes deeper.  What child is this who laid to rest.  This year I am thinking about the last few words of this question.  When we talk today of one who has been laid to rest, it normally isn't about a newborn living, its about one who has died.  This child that was born into flesh came only to teach us to love and die so that others may live.  God gave us the greatest of gifts in a way that many can accept... through the innocence of a child.  I'm sure in the early days Jesus was treated as any other infant son.  He was nurtured, looked after, taught the basics just as many parents do but can you imagine being the mother of the savior of the world?  That's a pretty big responsibility.  As parents we aren't to treat one child better than the other, but come on... this was JESUS!  Can you imagine being the sibling of Jesus?  I could just hear it, "Heather, come on, why can't you be more like your brother Jesus?  Why can't you walk on water?"  I joke a little at that, but I can't imagine as a mother how Mary felt.  I know with my own son I felt so inadequate at times in being his mother.  Can you imagine how she must have felt?  How many times she perhaps questioned how she was to raise the son of God?  Can you imagine the incredible love that was between them?  He wasn't just her little boy, he was her savior, her king.  Jesus was the word that became flesh through her womb.  I can't imagine this mother who bore this beautiful son, who fed him and cradled him and ran her fingers through his hair knowing that he was going to have to do more than she could ever begin to imagine to save a dark and sinful world.  Her son was going to have to be the sacrifice needed, the lamb to be slaughtered so that others could live. I wonder if she knew while she held her newborn son that she would have to lay him to rest?  I wonder if she ever asked God for him to choose someone else, not to take her son, not to make him the sacrifice?  As a mother who laid to rest her own son, I can't tell you the pain that Mary had to feel knowing that her son was not only to die, but he was to suffer.

We all have a mission, a purpose to fulfill.  No, nothing quite like Jesus had, but we have a mission none the less.  As each of us is born, one could ask What child is this?  What will your story be?  Did you step out in faith and do as God the father has asked of you?  What will be said when it is your time to be laid to rest?  You may not have walked on water, but I pray that at some point you met the man who did and accepted him as your savior, as Christ your king.

Under His Wings,
Heather

Bind Us Together, Matthew 24:35

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."

Bind us together, Lord, bind us together
With cords that cannot be broken
Bind us together, Lord, bind us together
Bind us together with love.

Do you remember singing this song?  Do you still sing this song or has this song lost its meaning somewhere along life's journey?  I still sing it and probably even more today then when I first sang it as a child.  Its a song that most Christian denominations sing in their churches and around church campfires and yet I'm not sure that many take the time to recognize the words being sung.  Somewhere along the way we have begun to focus on what divides us versus what binds us together.  I can't imagine God the father looking down at his children and being happy about the division that is taking place in the hearts of his precious ones. 

I watch as insult after insult is flung across social media pages and by some I would have never expected to see them from.  I don't sit in judgment but I sit in bewilderment because to me my Bible, God's word, is an incredible love story written for us to learn from and not repeat the mistakes of our people.  Yet, here we are 2015 and we are doing the same things that caused such pain, chaos and destruction that we read about in the scripture.  We fail to grasp the love that can bind us together and focus instead on all things that can tear us apart.  I can differ in my opinions and beliefs from another and still love them for the heart that beats inside them.  I don't have to agree or support someone's ideas or lifestyles to accept and love their heart and the part that they play in this life.  God sits in the position of judge when each of us makes that journey home and I for one am thankful that I don't have that responsibility because we are a hot mess of a people.

1 Corinthians: 4-8; "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."  These words are often shared at weddings as we turn our focus on the couple being "bound together in love" but these words apply to each and everyone of us in how we too ask God to bind us together in love.  God's word IS love which is the whole point of the song we sing....bind us together Lord in your word, in your love.  Its there where we find truth and answers for living life as Christ followers.

I encourage you this week to focus on what binds us all together and not on what tears apart.  Instead of focusing on how you differ in your beliefs and thoughts, try to find common ground because its there we can begin to bridge hearts to bind our nation under God again.  Its in our unity we find strength and in our division that our enemies find our weakness and exploit it.  Let God be God and his word which will never pass away be our guide.  I want to have a heart of love that others will seek out and ask about this God that I serve in love.  I am to be his hands and feet but in order to do that, others have to see his heart in me...in you.  Find again that love that binds us together with cords that cannot be broken. 

Who can you reach out to this week in love instead of judgment?  Who can you share the heart of Christ with instead of the darkness of hate and condemnation?  Can Jesus count on you today to show his love or have you become a resounding gong or clanging cymbal as talked about in 1 Corinthians 13:1?  You can be Christ's mouthpiece, but that means you must do so through his love. 


Under His Wings,
Heather

In The Silence, Job 6:24

"Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong."

There is so much that can be learned while being silent, while being still.  Its often one of the hardest things for me to do but its also the time where I learn the most of what God is calling me out of or into.  Stop what you are doing right now, stop everything and just sit in total silence for 60 seconds...longer if you can.  Was it difficult for you to just sit still and be quiet?  I know some of you are like me and its a daunting task to simply be quiet.  For those that know me personally, I am a pretty outgoing chatty chick.  Yes, I said it and admit that I can be a little on the noisy side.  But, when I need to recharge or need to find peace you will find I am the first person to retreat to solitude and shut out all the noise around me. 

This past year has been a challenging year, one that has shown me much about myself and one where God has quieted me purposefully to remind me of who he is and who I am.  Too often we can get ourselves so busy and so self-important that we begin to take our creator for granted just as we do in relationships.  We get so comfortable that we forget to take the time to sit at his feet as Mary did, listening.  I think the first clue that something is amiss is when we hear ourselves doing a whole lot of "I" talking and less talking about the father.  When we begin to call ministries our own, when we begin to try to take on saving the world instead of taking care of our own family, when we fail to give credit to the very one who placed us in the position that we are in... all signs that we are starting down a very dangerous path.  When our health begins to fail and our stress levels surmount to levels greater than we can handle and the doctor wants to medicate you just to reel you back in... signs pointing out that we are beginning to work less from the spirit and more from the flesh.  Its these moments that we need to be silent and allow God to minister to our spirits.  Life is full of challenges, heartache and events that are beyond our control.  It is also full of joy and times of celebration but who or what are you celebrating?

One of my favorite devotionals is "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  I've read through it a few years now.  This coming Sunday she writes (God has such amazing timing to remind us of his message for our lives):

"As you sit quietly in My presence, remember that I am a God of abundance.  I will never run out of resources; My capacity to bless you is unlimited.  You live in a world of supply and demand, where necessary things are often scarce.  Even if you personally have enough, you see poverty in the world around you.  It is impossible for you to comprehend the lavishness of my provisions:  the fullness of my glorious riches.

Through spending time in my presence, you gain glimpses of my overflowing vastness.  These glimpses are tiny foretastes of what you will experience eternally in heaven.  Even now you have access to as much of me as you have faith to receive.  Rejoice in my abundance---living by faith, not by sight." 

When we begin to think about God's abundance and how limitless his gifts are to us in meeting our every need it can begin to overwhelm us.  Instead of being overwhelmed, perhaps its time to just sit at his feet in silence and soak in the blessings of his goodness for our lives.  Maybe its time for us to quiet our busy lives for a few moments and focus on the important things and begin to weed out those that are just robbing us of our joy and peace of mind. 

Is Jesus calling you to be quiet, to be still, to be patient or to simply be patient?  Are you resisting because you have a desire to be needed, to be important or simply to avoid the hard task of letting go of what you need to let go of or cling to something you need to keep hold of?  Jesus is calling you into the silence to hear his voice, are you willing to be still and know that he is God and you are his beloved?

At Your Feet

Under His Wings,
Heather

Change Management; Romans 12:2

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Change... anyone out there actually like that word or what that means when it comes to your life?  I know that for most including myself, change is HARD!!  This weekend I have spent much time walking down memory lane as we had to say good-bye to a long time friend, our precious Shepherd mix, Sheena.  Some will never understand my love of dogs or how attached I get to them, but I, from the depths of my heart, will never understand someone who doesn't attach to one of the most loyal devoted and loving creatures on this earth.  I believe God knew we humans wouldn't get it right so he went searching for a being that would love like he does, who doesn't hold grudges or the past against another, but loves deeply and shows it as each moment is new and all is forgiven.  He found dogs and well the rest is history.  My dogs have seen me at my worst and at my best and it really didn't matter to them which I was, I simply needed to be breathing and they were going to be loving on me and teaching me lesson after lesson about the heart of Christ.  Stop shaking your head, non-dog loving people!  Some of you know exactly what I am talking about.

The word in Romans tells us to not conform but be transformed and renewed in our minds.  Why is that so important?  Why is change so important when it is often the most difficult thing to do?  Can you imagine seriously if you never changed in life?  Can you think of your earliest memory and to have remained there unchanged for all your life?  What a disaster!  Change often is the very thing that makes us grow as people, it makes us stronger and better equipped at being there for other people.  Although change is difficult, it is necessary. 

God has called us each by name and with that he has designed a purpose and a plan over our life.  Some have a road less bumpy and yet others, their road is often filled with potholes, hills and sometimes extremely sharp curves.  That is where often I find friends and people around me complaining that life isn't fair and why should they have to endure certain trials or tragedies when so and so seems to have it so easy.  I probably have complained in this same way at some point in my life but I've learned through my trials and struggles I have found new strengths inside.  I have been tested and tried and in the end I have found the will of God working in my life, teaching me on how to become a better friend, a better mentor or a better family member.  I could sit down and complain and grumble about the things happening in my life or I can understand that through change, through the struggle of whatever I am facing, I can become what God has called me to be and in that find peace.

This weekend was hard.  I didn't want to have to say good-bye to a companion who has stuck by me for 13 years wagging her tail and getting excited just because I woke up and looked her way.  She didn't care if I woke with my hair a mess or my breath offensive, she just cared that she saw me and I saw her and to her that was enough.  When are we going to get that we have enough?  When are we going to get that even in our trials and changes, we can find joy in knowing that we are on a journey that God himself placed us on?  Jesus went to the cross... how about that for a really bad day?

Right now I have some struggles going on, its difficult because I know my life is changing and you know what, it really does suck!  Yes, I just wrote that and God really knows that is how I feel so I am going to leave it there and whoever doesn't like it, well... God bless your heart anyway.  I am being as real as I can be with anyone who is reading this because change is Biblical and it is necessary for you to grow.  Endure for a while my friend, because God is working out something in your life towards a specific goal, his will, his PERFECT will for you.  I can tell you this, no matter how difficult the storm, I do know that he knows better than I in working out the details of my life including the change.  He has perfected Change Management even if industry today thinks they made that process up. 

What areas of your life is God wanting to change, to transform?  Where is he asking you to go or better yet to let go of so that you can be in his perfect will?  Is it time for a little change management in your life?

Under His Wings,
Heather

Dedicated to the Loving Memory of

Sheena Christoff

2001-2014

 

Well done good and faithful friend, your race has been run, time to rest.

 



Purposed; Jeremiah 29:11

^" I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."  (NCV)

This is my life verse.  When life gets messy, and we all know it does, I turn to this scripture and know and trust that my God, my Creator, has a plan for my life and not just any plan but a GOOD plan with a GOOD future.  I happen to be the one who gets in the way and messes it all up because I try to make things happen my way and according to my plans.  Why do I do this... I am not sure, but if you figure out why you do it, will you please write and share with me?

There have been a lot of things on my mind lately as I take on new challenges and face new obstacles.  Some of the plans that have been discussed about my future I will admit have scared me. I feel the old Heather, from many years ago, who would shrink back out of fear that I wasn't good enough or strong enough or smart enough was trying to creep back in and claim my trust and faith in God who wrote in his very word... He has a plan and a future for me, not to harm me but to give me HOPE.  How or why would I have any doubt when I know He has me and has all of my tomorrows worked out?  He knows what he is planning for me and its all good... even the messy parts. 

This week as I was driving home from work I had one of those messages.  You know, one of those that you almost stop your car (or wreck it) because you feel like you have someone in the car with you and you freak out because there shouldn't be anyone in the car with you?  Ok... some of you are getting this right now but some of you are thinking that I am totally crazy.  All would be correct. :)   Anyway... I just felt God speak to my heart with one simple message.  HE PLACES ME IN POSITION TO BE HIS HANDS, HIS FEET AND TO BE HIS MOUTHPIECE.  It is not me who places me in position of authority or leadership, but it is the Great I AM who puts me in place because he has a plan and a purpose over my life. 

Many years ago on a retreat, a dear friend of mine who was my partner going over a series of questions late that night, stated that there are some people God calls to lead and some he calls to be behind the scenes and support those leaders.  She told me then God didn't call me into a supporting role but to lead.  I shook my head and she laughed at me.  I started to get mad at her but instead I had to accept this was my fate.  Susan... I Love You, Sis.  I probably never told you that you were right because... well because I didn't want you to be right.  I never thought that I would lead, I was happy to play the support role but it rarely works out that way.  You see, God has other plans and he continues to grow and stretch me to limits I didn't know I could reach.

Today while sitting in church, my Pastor (little did he know) shared the very words God had shared with me this week in quieting my fears and reminding me that he has purposed my life, not just in the big moments but in the every day moments too... I simply need to get out of my own way and let him fulfill those purposes within my life.  He doesn't need my help in making his plans come to realization... He just needs me to say, "Yes".  It's so much easier when I do.

On any given day, I will tell you that I am a mess.  Perhaps I would even share that I was a hot mess (you know at my age, hot can break out in a "flash" of a moment).  I make tons of mistakes!  I hurt people, I yell at people on the highway because they don't drive as perfect as me (stop laughing, you know you do it too), I bend the rules to suit my own plans and I just don't handle situations as well as I should.  I will be the first to admit, I am an imperfect earthen vessel, my Emmaus peeps will truly understand that statement.  I am full of mistakes and thankfully God sees them all and he still loves me and uses them to continue to press onward in the purpose and plans he has for me inspite of all the detours I throw out there.  I often hear people call Christians hypocrites because they stumble or mess up.  It saddens me when I hear other Christians call one another this... because they know better!  Being a Christian means I accept that I am flawed and I will mess up... but it also means, I have a forgiving God who continues to work out his plan and purpose in my life no matter how much of a hot mess I am.  He sent his son to die on a cross because he has been to each and every one of my tomorrows and has seen me stumble and fall and in each one of those moments, he picks me up, brushes me off and wraps his arms around me and says even after that... I still love you and I still have a GOOD plan and a Good future for your life.

Do you feel like sometimes God just doesn't care or has left you on your own to fulfill your own purpose, your own destiny?  Do you recognize that God is GOD and no matter what you do, how horribly you mess up, that he is going to still provide you with a hope and a good future?  God has seen every one of your tomorrows and he has purposed for you a life that may not have been what you would have chosen and it may be hard more times than you care for it to be... but He has a purpose for you that only you can fulfill.  Trust Him and step out of your own way so He can show you all that he has planned for you.

Under His Wings,
Heather

Connected; Proverbs 17:17

"A friend loves at all times..."

I KNOW!! ... an actual blog posting, where have I been and why so long with no post right?  Sorry... it's been a crazy time but today I just couldn't get a topic that God clearly laid on my heart off it until I got up out of my comfy bed and began to write this blog post.

So yesterday I was in one of my bored moments from being down from some surgery (yes I'm fine... just taking time to heal) and went on FB.  That's what we do isn't it?  When we can't be out living life we go on our social media sites and we live life through those that are actually out there living.  I saw all the posts of what my FB family was up to and smiled as I looked through pics and saw posts of good times. I frowned and even cried at some pics and posts that showed what some were "living" that aren't their happier moments right now.  But regardless of good or bad times... most of the FB friends on my list were still living.  Then it hit me, some of my friends on my friend list aren't with us anymore.  I don't know about you but that's always a tough one for me... what do you do?  Unfriend them?  They are still friends, a friend loves at ALL times.  Seems so horrible to "unfriend" but the truth is... they aren't here anymore to get our status updates or our pictures of the good and bad living and my guess is that they really aren't missing the posts all that much as they live out their eternity outside of their earthly home.  It's a reality and it's not an easy one to have to face because I am one of the few that actually know and have met just about every single person that I'm "friends" with on FB except for some family members that I will one day meet, promise!

I began going through my list of friends and spent time looking at each and every one and thinking back to the time I met them or what my memories were of them.  With some I don't recall much, maybe someone from High School or from a past job that I may not have known all that well but it's been really neat to see how their life is going and how they are living out their dreams.  With others, there are a ton of memories and there are even those friends on FB that I have more memories than could ever be documented because of how connected we have remained over the course of life.  WE LIVED and are LIVING life both good and bad and have those precious memories of one another to cherish.  I happen to be a girl who has some of the most amazing friends in the world and that is NOT an exaggeration. 

As I went through the list intent of making it a smaller one because I could not possibly have that many people in my life, I managed to "unfriend" quite a few because of personal reasons, wishing them nothing but great things in life but just don't feel they need to be included in my world, in my life being lived.  What I was fascinated by was how many are active people in my life.  I mean we see each other by either hanging out, attending church or Emmaus functions, working together, etc.  And family, who can forget family?  I happen to have one crazy messed up group of folks to call family and I LOVE IT!  Because I am just as crazy and messed up as they are and they love me for who I am just as I love them.

I continued down the list of friends recounting memories or wondering what must this person think of me as they knew me when... fill in the blank.  Or have I been the best friend I could have been to this person?  Was I kind?  Have I let them know they matter and that they have left an unforgettable imprint on my heart and my life?  Without each and every person on that friend list... I would not be who I am today.  I have been connected in some way to those on "my list".  There are some on my friend list (outside of family) that I have known for close to 40 years.  They have seen me change, evolve and hopefully grow into a better person.  They have loved me as their friend through ALL times and I have loved them.  The outgoing, outspoken, jump in there and never meet a stranger woman you see today is because of those friends and the imprint they left there.  In High School I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't outspoken and I certainly knew many strangers because I would have rather blended in to the walls around me then have to look up into the eyes of some of my classmates.  But my classmates who were friends... they wouldn't let me.  We laughed together, cried together, experienced heart ache together, disliked some of the same people, liked some of the same boys (I will never tell) and got each other through the perils of some tough classes.  I see them on my friend list and I smile because they now have families and lives and we are still connected.  I don't believe a single person on "my list" is on there by accident but by divine intervention.  I know some of my friends have and will always think my Christian faith is nonsense and I still pray for them just as the day I met them.  :)  I also have those friends who share my faith and are some of the first I turn to when I need a friend to pray with me and help me get through something I don't understand because they share a little bit of their faith when mine grows weary. 

I'm glad to be connected to so many friends on FB but I'm even more glad to have friends that love me at all times and not just my good ones.  I am thankful that I have friends who know my faults, who know I mess up and who know my life and they still choose to let me be on their "friend list".  My plan is to reconnect after my time of healing and catch up with some of you.   

This blog post was about remaining connected and appreciating friends who love at all times even times when we don't see one another or get to chat or talk.  I wanted to take a moment and let you know, if you are on my FB friend list... I thought about you this week, not just a fleeting moment but I thought about you, how I met you, if we have any memories that we have shared and how you have impacted my life or I could have impacted yours.  I took time this week to pray for each of you on "my list" and thanked God for you and the imprint you left on my life.

Has any friend come to your mind lately that you haven't seen or talked to for a while?  Is there a friend that could use a moment of your time to reconnect?  Is it time to do a "friend list" cleanup?  Is it time to learn to be a friend?  WE all have a friend in Jesus and he taught us how to be a friend to one another through unconditional love and a whole heaping of grace and forgiveness. 

Til next post, friend....

Under His Wings,
Heather

Held; Revelation 21:4

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

February 12th is one of the hardest days I face each year and this year was exceptionally hard for many reasons, but in large part due to it marking the 20th anniversary of my Nigel's passing.  For those that have never had this kind of great loss, you may think after 20 years one could simply be past the deep heartache of saying good-bye.  This simply isn't true.  Most days you wake and tuck that part of brokenness away and keep it buried, but every once in a while a day surfaces that you simply can't hide from it and the pain becomes your closest companion with or without permission.

I was reminded this year, as I often am each year, that I have people around me who love me, who pray for me and who encourage me to turn my heartache into compassion for those that can't find their way out of despair or for those whose journey with pain has just begun.  I was also gently reminded by my dear friend, Alisa, that for 20 years, God has been my constant companion even during those times that pain has joined me on my journey.   Its on days like February 12th that God, my father, simply holds me and allows me to rest upon him and cry.  His word in Revelation tells us that he wipes away every tear and one day there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.  This comforts me to know that one day pain will no longer be my companion, but an old order that will pass away.

In life we have many ups and downs.  We experience losses in many ways, some greater than others, but it's in the way we persevere that shows and defines our true character.  I'm amazed time and time again when someone shares with me their shock when finding out about my son or about some part of my life that seems to be something that they feel they could not survive.  I don't wear the heartache around my neck like a noose allowing it to rob me of some joy I can find in each day if I choose to look for it.  Each day I get the choice to allow other companions to walk alongside of me instead of pain.  I can choose happiness, peace, love and contentment to accompany me.  I can choose to devalue the life of my son by being everything that he wasn't.  Nigel chose through all his suffering and his pain to still smile, and not just the fake smile that too often people put on their faces, but an infectious smile that came from his very beautiful and loving soul.  His smile was genuine and honestly it encouraged me more than anything or anyone ever could or can.  His smile came from his heavenly father who was always his faithful companion.  I believe in every moment of his treatments, his surgeries, his blood transfusions, etc that God the father was holding my little boy and comforting him.  Some may question if God is such a loving father why did Nigel have to go through any of it... I honestly don't know except to tell you that through Nigel's journey, many hearts and lives were forever changed.  More compassion was planted in people's hearts, more love shared, more time spent and relationships created.  The scripture tells us that God uses ALL THINGS for his glory... even the bad parts.  We are a broke mess of a people but God continues to work in perfecting us by chipping away all the ugly parts and turning us into his masterpieces. 

I have experienced in life great joys and great sorrows and along the way I've had God experience those with me along with some of the most wonderful people.  Some people have come into my life for a season and some for a lifetime but all for a purpose.  I have experienced love both for and from others but never a love greater than that of Jesus Christ.  He gave it all for me even when I don't deserve it.  God surrounds me by special angels on this earth in the form of amazing friendships.  My best friend of 20+ years has literally been through everything with me.  She has been there for my moments of joy and has been my rock in my moments of great sadness.  I cherish our friendship like none other because I know no matter what I face, she will be my biggest supporter standing right beside me.  Laura is the kind of friend that I hope each person reading this blog is blessed to have.  When I begin to doubt (and I do sometimes) if I'm "good enough" to be loved by an amazing God, I think of her devotion to me as my friend and I know that if she can see beyond my flaws, then the one who created me definitely can.  I count myself blessed that I have been given people in my life that I can truly trust with my heart and know God has purposed them for me.  You know who you are and I hope you know how much I cherish each and every moment with you and just how much I love you. 

If today you need the companions of pain and suffering to leave your side to be replaced with peace and joy, simply call on your heavenly Father.  What part of your life do you need God to turn mourning into laughter, tears into smiles or anger into happiness?  Are you willing to accept his will and his plan for your life instead of your own even perhaps heading out on a different road than you ever imagined? 


Under His Wings,
Heather

~~^~~Dedicated to Matthew "Nigel" Williams~~^~~

Aug 10, 1990 - Feb 12, 1994

 

 

Guard Your Heart; Matthew 6:21 & Proverbs 4:23

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."   "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." 

I know that typically I use a single scripture to get my point across... but think about it. When talking about the matters of the heart I really can't use enough scriptures to fully understand God's heart and the heart he has placed inside each of us to mirror his own.

Your heart, not referring to the vital organ of you flesh, but the vital organ of your soul is a treasure to God, his gift to you.  Why is it that we so freely give it away and have it broken time and time again?  Do you think that was his plan for us, to have it broken, used, torn or divided?  I don't think it was or is, but yet I'm guilty of not guarding the very part of me that is to be the reflection of His.  Our bodies were designed to surround and to protect the heart that beats inside our chest and yet we find ways to damage it.   So what protects the heart of our soul?  Are we protecting it by surrounding it with care or are we so eager to be accepted and "loved" that we leave it unprotected, unguarded? 

Proverbs says to guard our heart above all else, why... because everything we do flows from it.  Our character, strength, values, love for God and others... they all come from the heart of who we are.  Too often we allow relationships and circumstances to damage our heart and we shutdown, build up walls or worse yet leave it unguarded and are left broken, hurt and damaged.  Our hearts were given to us to love one another, to lift one another up, to encourage, to correct, to be a source of strength.  But we have allowed so many people and things to break our hearts that we become weak and in need of repair.  

We are to treasure our heart because God himself treasures it.  We have a responsibility to guard it against attacks from the enemy and not allow just anyone or just anything into the deep recesses of our heart.  Treat your heart as precious and valuable, its a place that the enemy would love to destroy but a place where God himself resides.  I pray when people see me, speak to me or listen to me that what they see is a reflection of God's heart. 

I know that some of you are thinking that you didn't intentionally let your heart be broken but instead circumstance and deceptive people are at fault.  The way you guard it now is to not allow anyone or anything to see your true heart.  I wish it was that easy, just to throw up the walls and not let anyone peek inside the beautiful places of your heart... but how can you reflect God if you shut the world out?  Then again how do you guard it if you let the world in?  Confusing?  Not really.  What I've learned is that the Holy Spirit that resides within my heart will speak to me (you know that little voice you hear deep within), giving you wisdom as to what to allow into your heart and what to guard against.  Not everyone and not everything deserves a place in your heart.  Listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, learning to hear his voice and not turn away from the instruction being given.  I've never been lead astray by listening to the Holy Spirit but have often listened to my own will above God's and there I have found suffering and pain. 

Can I be protected from ever feeling pain?  Of course not, sometimes through the pain I've learned my greatest lessons in life.  Sometimes through great tragedy I have found a strength within that I didn't know existed.  I have become a better person to help another.  A guarded heart doesn't mean you will never feel pain or loss, but it will save you from having to go through unnecessary suffering and will leave you with a resolve to keep pressing forward. 

What are you failing to guard your heart against?  Is that relationship really one God has willed for your life or is it one you willed for your life?  Will it leave you a better person or a bitter person?  Will that circumstance you are in, or about to enter, leave you broken or is it something that will lead you into a better one on the other side?  Are you treasuring the heart God has given you or are you letting your guard down for the enemy to steal the priceless jewel that is your heart?

Under His Wings,
Heather



 

Breathe; Job 6:24

"Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong."

The holidays are behind us along with the rush of all the things that we find ourselves trying to accomplish to make it the "perfect holiday" for our family and friends.  This year seemed to be exceptionally busy even to the point that for the first time ever, I did not decorate a tree or bake holiday treats in usual fashion or do any of what are my own personal traditions for Christmas.  The season seem to have happened so quickly and before I knew it... it was over.  What happened?  Ahh yes... I tried to plan 60 days worth of "stuff" into a 31 day window!  Anyone else ever guilty of that?  When will this lady learn?  Maybe this will be the year.

While contemplating what 2014 will bring and how I will approach it and of course how I will fill up that mighty calendar, I sat for a moment and realized how the entire 2013 year flew by and just how many people, who truly are important to me, I never saw... not even one time.  It's in that moment as the 2013 wrap up happened in my mind, I made it a resolution to slow down and breathe!  Yes, yes... I've said it many times but this time it was different and I know that if I don't, I'm going to miss out on some of the greatest blessings of my life... spending time with those that I love.  This was a year that our family and some of our closest friends lost too many loved ones.  When I reflect on how I spent my time, did I let those that are no longer with us know how much I cared or was I too busy filling up my calendar trying to be superwoman in a world where I can't possibly do all that I setout to do?  Although much of what I spent time doing were good things, it doesn't replace what is most precious to me and that is spending time, quality time, with those important in my life.  I was reminded in those few quiet moments that I need to rearrange my priorities and get my act together as none of us are promised the next breath.  It's time for me to breathe, to be quiet... I'm seeing where I have been wrong. 

What a major undertaking this will be for me and my "Martha spirit".  Oh how I envy sometimes my friends with "Mary spirits".  But I know that my spirit is exactly as God designed it and I will continue to serve and to be the hands and feet of Christ to those who need me the most but only where God actually leads me and not necessarily every place I'm called by others.  The ministry that I've been blessed to lead has a full schedule planned for this year but already as I sat to create it, I was reminded to place more time in it for fun times, times to just enjoy being sisters. 

There is much to do, many hurting people, so many disasters that have occurred that have left others broken and in need.  We are to be helpers in this world to our fellow man, but we also need to  recharge so that we can continue and not run on empty.   We all have to find that balance, tune our ears towards heaven and breathe.  If you find me a little quiet throughout this year, don't worry... that's a good thing!  It just means I'm being still for a recharge so that I can continue to do the work God has called me to do. 

When is the last time you quieted the world around you and breathed?  Maybe you are just the opposite and need to step up and do more so that the "Marthas" around you can breathe for a moment.  What is it that you need to be still for and shown where you have been wrong?

Breathe

Under His Wings,
Heather