"But now, this is what the Lord says - he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel; "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
WOW!!! Every time I read that scripture it sends chills up and down my arms...or as my dear friend calls them, holy bumps. To think that the God of the universe formed me, calls me by my name and claims me as his own. There is power in that even beyond what we can imagine.
I went to dinner tonight in a town where I didn't know anyone and no one knew my name. I was just someone sitting at a table ordering food alone. As I sat there, I thought about how once upon a time I would never have done that. I would have gotten food and taken it back to my hotel room because I didn't want to sit alone. Many people probably would never guess that about me. There are many things that people don't know, some may never know me completely, and that's ok. Some may know me too well... those people will forever be my friends because they know too much! LOL
As I left the restaurant, I noticed a lady sitting in her truck all by herself eating her dinner. I recognized that former me. The one who had such insecurities and fears of being alone. The one who worried about what others thought about me and the one who wondered if I was good enough, pretty enough, funny enough... the list goes on. Some of you that know me today are probably shaking your head and can't begin to imagine me being a shy, timid young lady. I was. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want people to know that home wasn't so great a lot of days, some days it was down right a nightmare. Then there were those other days where home was the best place on earth. That's what pushed me to want more good days at home than bad when I had my own home.
Many of the kids at school while growing up didn't know me. I was the good church girl who let a few people in, never was mean or rude to anyone, I just never let anyone too close because they would see the bruises and scars and not just the ones on my body, but they might see the ones on my heart and I couldn't take that chance. Taking that chance was too scary. What if they made fun of me or couldn't understand? I would be more alone than ever. But I wasn't, I never was, I just didn't realize how opposite of the truth that was. My God never left me alone. He has been my constant companion. It has been I who has sometimes shut him out, pushed him away and tried to hide because he knew I wasn't perfect. My life wasn't perfect. You see God knew I was a hot mess and still can be sometimes. The amazing thing is that he still loves me anyway. He knows me, by name... Luke 12:7 says, "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered..." Oh my goodness, do you know how many hairs have come and gone off my head? That reminds me of just how loved I am and that he loves me inspite of knowing me.
I am learning to love me and spend time just with me and I enjoy it. I guess that means I have finally come to like myself and value myself for who I am and for whose I am. I am a child of the King, I am a Princess. Some would even say I am a royal pain. :) But my Heavenly Father, the King of Kings wouldn't have me any other way than I am right now, in this moment, as he continues to form me into his image. I am like that lump of clay on the potter's wheel. Just as the potter has spun me near to completion, something happens and I fall back into that lump ready to be remade. One day this chick is gonna be completed, the wheel no longer needed and I will be called home to where everyone will know me, they will know me by name. Here I may be a stranger in a strange land, but one day I will go home and will be reunited with my loved ones who have already gone ahead of me. But, for today... I am going to keep shining, accepting that some days are good simply because God gave them to me and some days are great because he gave me people who do know me and love me enough to embrace me, flaws and all. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Have you spent any time with just yourself lately, not doing busy work, but truly time alone? Do you know who you are? Do others know who you are? God knows who you are, he's waiting for some time just with you to remind you of who you are to him.
Under His Wings,
Heather
