"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."
Today I was able to be part of a beautiful celebration for Mother's Day, a holiday that typically is a day that reminds me of deep pain and loss. I wasn't sure this year, honestly, if I was going to be strong enough to get through the day as planned. As late as Friday evening I was questioning whether or not I was going to be able to do all that was expected and asked of me or if I was going to call a timeout and stay at home. It wasn't on my own strength that I was able to serve. It was through the strength of Christ that resides in me and in my sisters that are always praying and standing in the gap for me calling on Jesus to give me what I need to sustain me in moments of weakness and need. I pray that all that read this have sisters and brothers like this who will, if need be, go to their knees in prayer for you. If you don't... please contact me and I will pray for you and have my prayer warriors do the same. Today was a reminder of just how powerful prayer is and how it works each time we call on Jesus.
Until last year I could not drag myself to attend church service on Mother's Day in fear that I'd fall apart. It was as if that next step in my healing journey was too steep of a climb. Sixteen years I stayed home on Mother's Day. that's a long time. Too paralyzed to want to go forward and knowing I didn't want to go back so I just remained where I was, stuck in a place where healing I thought couldn't find me. If I could just hide out that one day a year then maybe I could just pretend the pain wasn't there the other 364 days. But there's a thing about hiding, you eventually do want to be found. There were times as a child while playing hide and seek that I actually would change my hiding place while I was"it" because it became lonely when no one else was around. I wanted someone to see me, to call out my name and find me because I didn't want to be alone. God didn't create us to journey alone and I thank him each day that he places people along side me. I thank him that he has placed in my heart a desire to stand along side others as well and to pray with them and for them just as they do for me.
My heart and life forever changed on February 12, 1994 with the death of my son. It again changed on January 23, 2008 with the loss of my mom. Mother's Day would never be the same. But I can't keep hiding away safe in the four walls of my home if I truly desire to stand alongside others and be a witness for Christ. I have to be found even in moments of weakness so that others see the work the father is doing in me. I am not perfect, I am not always strong but I know one who is perfect and who's strength carries us even on days that are difficult at best. Today I win another battle because I came out of my hiding place with a blanket of prayer covering me and my heavenly father holding my hand ready to be found stronger than the year before. Was it an easy day? No it wasn't. But I had moments to celebrate. I had a church family embrace me, sisters praying for me and my family given to me by birth surprising me by coming and letting me know they were there... they all found me today so I could come out of my hiding place.
Where are you hiding today? God is seeking you, is it time to be found? He is standing at the door of your heart knocking... do you hear the knock? Can you allow him to release you from your hiding place to be free? God is ready to dine with you if only you would hear his voice. Let him in... the game of hide and seek is only fun when you eventually are found.
Blessings,
Heather
