"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
I've been reading a wonderful book called "Your Scars Are Beautiful To God" by Sharon Jaynes. One of my favorite quotes from it is, "Scars do not simply represent healing or the end of a struggle, but the beginning of a ministry!" I read that over and over again spending time on what that meant to me and how often I've seen that applied.
We all have a past, some of us may have a past marred by many scars left by physical incidents, emotional turmoil and too often relationship strife and abuse. Regardless of the way the event happened, they've all left a scar on our being in some form or fashion... what we choose to do with that scar is up to us. I can see a physical scar on my body left by a time I ran into a gate and gashed my knee open and I can also see the scars left behind on my body due to surgeries that ultimately led to a greater scar of infertility and disappointment. Although the surgeons were wonderful at creating just a fine line from where they had me opened several times, the internal scars called endometriosis caused even greater scars leaving me unable to have children I so desperately wanted. My emotional being already scarred by losing my only child to cancer many years before, seemed to reopen and the wound grow that much deeper leaving me lost in my own despair and withdrawing from life.
Many of us women believe our womanhood is wrapped solely in the ability to reproduce and create future generations. Not all women are called to do so and that's not always an easy thing to hear. When God told me no, I became very angry with him and stopped being the woman he designed me to be. I felt empty and alone and that there wasn't anyone who could possibly understand the hurt that resided inside me. Loss became too familiar of a friend. I lost my only born child at the age of 3 1/2 years of age, I had two failed Invitro procedures where I lost three embryos each time and finally going through the entire adoption process and having the social worker present us with two beautiful little boys, ages 5 and 7 and having the whole thing fall apart and having to let them go.
I watched for nearly two years as my son battled bravely his fight against cancer and was there holding him on my lap as he breathed his last natural breath. I never got to hold the little ones that were growing inside my womb but felt their leaving my body in a very real way. I never got to even meet the two little boys who's stories were shared with me and pictures provided and even so, I had begun to love them anyway. I wasn't sure I'd survive the pain of it all and wanted so badly to give up, my spirit was crushed beyond what I thought was repairable... the scars seemed to be all that were left of me. But Jesus came just as he always does. He saw me lying curled up in a fetal position wishing life would end and wrapped himself around me and said, I know your pain and I will take it away and teach you how to love my children and be a mother in a way you never imagined just trust me and follow me. I put one foot on the floor and stood up before an actual cross and said ok, here I am. I never regretted that moment and although sometimes the ache inside comes back I trust in his word, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
My spirit was crushed and my heart broken but God continues to turn my scars into ministry by being the vessel of his unfailing love. You see our God, he lost a child too once. He had to watch as his only son hung dying on a cross for a people so undeserving, he sacrificed his son to cover our scars and allow us to be ministers to one another. God himself had to turn away as his son breathed his last breath and bore our sins that day. In that moment, a separation like this world had never known occurred and a great ministry was born out of the scars from that day. It was Jesus' scars that convinced the disciples that it was he standing before them.
Scars are our stories, reminders of who we were, where we've been and how we not only survived but how God turned them into something beautiful. The stories are to be told, the scars shared and a ministry birthed. What scars do you boldly show others in your ministry? What scar is God asking you to share and expose so that others can find healing? When are you going to allow your scars to turn to ministry?
Please listen to the words of this song by Jason Gray: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AapTMsc8A2Q&NR=1
Blessings,
Heather
